Hardware

I received my brand spanking new Dell Inspiron 640m laptop this afternoon. I had been waiting a while for the delivery but the actual upgrade itself came as a bit of a surprise. My previous laptop, a Dell Lattitude D610, was more than adequate for my needs but a new member of staff joining the company prompted the exchange. I am not complaining, anything but. I actually built and imaged the new laptop myself, while also getting the D610 ready for my colleague. There are few companies where I would be taking on such a technical task. It should (and in most cases would) have been done by the helpdesk. The most ironic thing was I was imaging the laptop, with an image I created, just over a year ago.

Blogging on this log has become very difficult recently. The reasons are two fold, firstly my job is not ideal blogging material and secondly I just do not have the same time to dedicate to a secondary blog. I am in two minds as to whether to continue or put this blog finally to sleep. Over the past few years, it has been a great place to dump my thoughts on work and chart my progress. However, now my personal blog over at T3G:2 takes up the majority of my time. I am sure there is space for a work log in my online portfolio but I think I need to careful consider it's purpose, the mission statement if you will. For the time being, the blog remains, while I consider the options.

The Perfect Commute

I may be only a few years into my working life, but I already know the importance o the daily commute. Over the space of a few years I went from one extreme to another. Sit back, relax and let me explain. When I was on placement from summer 2002 to the following summer, I clocked up on average 600 miles a week. That is right, nearly fours hours of driving every day. I suppose, as it what was a year, it was acceptable and I had to just grin and bear it. My colleagues would comment that it must be soul destroying. My reply would be that it is in face character building. Then in June 2004, I started my first 'proper' job after University. The commuting time had not changed, just the journey. I now how to catch a bus into the town centre, then walk to the rail way station, catch a train into Marylebone. Then jump on two tube trains to the office. I would leave the house at 6am and return nearly 8pm that evening. Not much of a life, really.

Fast forward to December 2004, when I was only a month into this blog I had the perfect commute. My office is seven miles from my house, down a main dual carriageway and then around a few country roads and I am at work. The journey in ideal circumstances should take ten minutes. In fact, on 25th July 2005, I set a world record of ten minutes exactly. I know what you are thinking, as I live so close to work, I would make the most of it. Get up at 8am, perhaps even 8.15am and leisurely make my way into the office. Nothing could be further from the truth, if I fell into that trap, I would slowly become so complacent that I would get up as late as possible to be in work, just in time. Instead, I opt to get up early and be in the office early.

However the dream of the perfect drive was broken by the powers that be. Mainly the Highways Agency and local district council. Work began on the proposed expansion of the Handycross Roundabout in October 2005 and was due to finish in December 2006. I was not confident that the work would be completed in time and opted to avoid the junction completely as much as was humanly possible. My drive home would take me under the by-pass, over Marlow Bridge and through the village and over the M40. This added on average twenty minutes to my journey time. I longed for the work to be complete so I could return to my preferred route.

As Pav dropped me off home Monday lunchtime, I noticed a new sign on the by-pass regarding the exit for the M40. Could it be open? As we drove the half mile up the road, I could see the new filter lane was open. Fantastic! It was only five months late but I could once again begin using the by-pass for my journey home. It was quite a revelation and I looked forward to care free journeys home. Even though I was in the family 307 and not my beloved A3, I got home with no problems. Perhaps this was not the best day to judge. The evening after a Bank Holiday Weekend, there was absolutely no traffic up to the Handycross Junction, I literally sailed home. Brilliant. Amazing what the difference one filter lane can make. Thankfully it will also stop complete idiots stopping in my lane when they realise they should be out to the right to get onto the M40 northbound.

Business As Usual?

Should I keep this blog running? My role has changed and I very much doubt there will be any more interesting entertaining stories to post. Plus there is also the Google affect. I am sure in the coming few months as I am introduced to my client portfolio, some of them will be brave enough to enter my name into the mother of all search engines, out of sheer curiosity. They may be bombarded with so many results that they close down their web browser in astonishment. Or they some may go the other way and actually bookmark both my websites and regularly check out my antics during those rock and roll weekends. (I can hear the guitar solo intro to Crazy Crazy Nights in the background!)

I think I may keep the blog running but stop posting as regularly as I have in the past. I feel it would be foolish to force myself to blog bi-monthly as I have been doing to date. Things will have to adjust. I would love to hear your thoughts, although I doubt that many people will actually get around to reading this post.

781 Days

I had waited just over two years for this day. Perhaps in reality, considering the bigger picture, I had waited all my life. However, this perhaps is not the moment to reflect on life changing significance of my short career (so far). Instead let me try and explain what has happened. I have moved on and away. Although only a few metres away physically. What am I talking about? Have I taken some drugs? I have been promoted away from the help desk. I no longer am at the beck and call of over one thousand customers dialing a free phone number.

They say a support technician has a shelf life of between eighteen to twenty four months. This was the figure banded around at job interviews I attended in the city, some three years ago. To be honest, the job was coming to the point of making me feel demotivated. Same people, same old issues. No real challenge left. Sure, day to day could be entertaining, but I felt myself on an never ending treadmill. After one project was completed, another would come along and I was making no progress. Life was becoming very monotonous. Then, like a ray of light, an opportunity came to surface. Was I being head hunted? Were my true talents wasted on the help desk? No disrespect to my colleagues (whom I am sure will be one the few people to read this). I needed to a role which gave me change to grow and develop not only as an employee but a person. I will consider the help desk, my probation period.

So when the opportunity was discussed with me, I decided I needed time. I needed time to consider my options, weight up the pros and cons. After careful consideration I took it with open arms but perhaps somewhat closed eyes. Sure it is a leap of faith for both parties, taking me out of my comfort zone. However, ultimately it is a step in the right direction. The beauty for working for a small company soon become apparent. Plus, if I want to get back into something more meaty and technical I am sure I would be catered for.

The best aspect of my move has to be the freedom. This week, around 3.30pm - 4pm, the help desk gets busy and I do not have to worry about picking up the phone. A strange culture shock for me, considering I have a nature which has to be kept busy. I am sure I will get used to it? Oh I suppose you want to know my new top title. Well it came in three (as all good news does). First option was Sales Force Effectiveness Analyst, closely followed by Business Information Analyst (which I personally prefer ed) only for the MD to make a minor adjustment to Business Intelligence Analyst. Who I am to argue with the man who signs all the cheques!

Office Upgrade

Working in IT, but also having computing, gadgets and most geeky things as a hobby means you are bang up to date with all the latest changes in technology and software. If I do not know something, then a friend will know or there is always the power of the web. This afternoon, I had my MD (of all people) showing me the intuitive features of Office 2007, specifically PowerPoint. Unfortunately only my manager has been truly been able to benchmark the productivity suite. I am just far too busy to be undertaking projects of such astronomical significance for the company IT policy. I am much more useful answering the telephone. Anyway, this topic got me thinking about my own personal upgrade policy, in reflection to a small/medium business considering the expense of migrating to the next version of the Microsoft package.

When I first got into computing, now some fifteen years ago, I always wanted the latest software. Even though my 386SX could only handle a certain amount of software available at the time. I would hate to try and explain to the kids of today, the numbers game back then. Hard drives were around 40MB in size, if you were lucky. Memory rarely went over double figures and if it did, anything above and beyond 640kbtyes was considered Extended Memory. Software? Well back in those a mouse was a luxury, not a bog standard requirement and you had to use the text based command line interpreter in the form of MS-DOS. Windows was around but if you saw a screen from Windows 3.0 or even 3.11, you would be shocked. Moving on, let me get to the point. The power of my machine limited my option on most software upgrades but I would try most things anyways and lost count of the number of times I had to format and reinstall Windows 3.x. When my built my second machine I became more realistic. Opting to stick with Windows 3.11 and do a manual upgrade to Windows 95 later. Yet I still would download and install absolute crap of the Internet (dial up at the time, remember those dark days people?). I even recall downloading and applying a X-Files Desktop Theme. Those were the days, even though I was not a big fan of the show and perhaps only watched a handful of episodes and never got around to watching the movie.

In recent years I have calmed down dramatically. I am much more fussy, actually that is the wrong word, much more particular when it comes to software and particularly upgrades. I only upgraded to XP in June 2003, nearly four years since it had be released to a mouthwatering public. I was so happy with Windows 98SE. It was stable, all my software worked, I could do everything I possibly wanted and even though I knew my Mesh was more than capable of running XP, I just did not want the hassle of moving across. I did eventually but it was a planned migration and not a shot in the dark.

The moral of the story is this. There will always be people that must have the latest everything, and that includes software (even more so if it comes from Redmond). I prefer to test out the software on a test machine and discover all the whether the software works for me, what features are useful, which features are down right problematic and how to disable them. The problem with Office 2007 and many other software applications, is that they have very much become the facto standard. Something tells me we will be spending the ten grand on the licensing upgrade. After all, most of our clients and partners will be doing the very soon in the coming months.

D'oh!

It has become part of Christmas tradition, like the fake tree and tinsel. The annual secret Santa gift exchange. The benefit of working for a small firm means you can quite easily find out who got your mystery gift (well maybe sometimes). Somehow the thought of having such a ritual at my previous workplace just seems unthinkable with a total seven hundred employees with around fifty just in the IT department. At a medium size firm I worked for prior to my job in the capital, I was actually excluded from the secret Santa due my gender. Yes, it was females only. Which considering it was 2002, was down right sexist if you ask me! However I only briefly flirted with any thought of bringing case of sex discrimination to the tribunal.

Last year, you might recall, I received a book and over twelve months later have still to discover the name of the sender. Although I have a few ideas, I was never provided with any evidence to confirm my hunches. This year I received a true novelty item. A gem! Just a shame I will never use it as it was intended. In fact, I very much doubt I will use it at all.

Firstly I would never place anything like this on my dashboard. You know me, I am a minimalist. My car only carries what it needs to. I can recall when, soon after passing my test that I would spend fifteen minutes clearing out my Mum's mini with all the clutter before driving off anywhere. So, a big thank you to one of my work colleagues for getting me this but it will now just proudly sit in one of the cupboards in my room. Guarding my CD collection from my sisters' prying eyes.

The Perfect Office Day

The title of this post perhaps surprises you. How on earth, could I, ever have a perfect day in the office. Well it happened today. I suppose I should start with the background. Today is referred to as Black Tuesday, the first working day back after the Christmas break and the Samaritans receive a peak number of calls and solicitors proceed with a record number of divorces. However, I was the complete opposite in terms of emotions today. Okay, I admit I was not looking forward to going into work. I expected a stream of voicemails, e-mails and other 'stuff' to action but there was nothing. Well nothing major. I was surprised. Usually after a prolonged break, the helpdesk usually has at least a few voicemails. We had e-mails but most of them were quite simple first time fixes. It was strange, surreal. Perhaps not everyone had returned and the real work would kick in on Monday 8th.

It would take some time to acclimatize back into the routine of work. However the company within the office, while somewhat sparse, did provide a great antidote after the festivities. My manager was particularly on form and kept the moral up, when at times all motivation was lost. There were many stories I could write up, but most would fit into the category of "You Had To Be There". However, let me have a go with this example. A field manager, in the office for a meeting, saw a photograph on my colleague's monitor and said out loud to the IT Team Leader, "Isn't that against company policy?" The reply, killed me, "I wouldn't know, different company". It was true, even though they were sitting together, they worked for two completely different companies. However, I only came to appreciate my day when I arrived into Marylebone station. Walking onto the main concourse, I came up against a hoard of people, just milling around. It was rush hour and they all had their eyes glued to the electronic red departure screen. In an ironic twist, I my mp3 player had randomly selected Patience from the 90s boy band, Take That. How apt! As I jumped down the escalator heading to the Bakerloo Line I had another picture ahead of me. At the bottom was yet another scrum for the escalator heading up. As I walked by, with a gleaming smile, I thought how great it was that "I don't have to do that anymore!". Then again, it has been over two years since I worked in the City. Thank God those days are behind me. Even if I miss the treat of a Chocolate Milkshake from the coffee stand every Friday evening.

What do you Burn?

Sounds like a personal question but I am actually referring to a burning media, rather than any other substances (legal or illegal). Today I received my order from SVP of 150 blank CD-Rs and 50 blank DVD-R discs. Although I am going to focus solely on compact disc media for this post. For as long as I can remember, I have always purchased TDK discs as my preferred choice. Although in recent months I have perhaps deviated from the righteous path. Taking blank Sony discs home from work to build discs for clients, perish the thought. However, it was always a case of making do with what was available. Let me take you back some ten years when I first built a computer with CD writing capability. At first, like most people I experimented with discs from Staples, which were an inferior brand. However my Dad bought me a pack of both CD-R and CD-RW discs. I ended up having theses and using them for a while, even up to the start of University in 2000. However, it was when I bought my Mesh and got more regular Internet access, that I decided on trying a box of ten CDs (with cases in those days) from Dabs. It changed my buying habits forever and I have never looked back.

In July 2002, (the same time I started blogging over at T3G:2 ) I purchased a TDK Cyclone CD Writer drive, a match made in heaven. My friends thought I was crazy to spend up to 50p for a disc when most of them bought unbranded (or cheaper label) discs for a quarter of the price. This was not a major issue for me. The main issue was reliability and the ability for my audio CDs to last forever. I have never had a disc turn into a coaster in the three years I have been using the combination of disc and writer, more so in my new machine. So a few weeks ago, for the first time in perhaps as much as eighteen months, I had to order some fresh plastic. For too long I had been waited to find the odd blank CD lying around somewhere. It was time to order some more and to my surprise, the discs were relatively cheap. Well much cheaper than in my peak burning period, when I would write at least two, if not three CDs every week. However there was a problem. SVP were out of stock, but I filled out a form to be notified by e-mail when they had some back in stock. This was on a Sunday morning a few weeks ago, (10th I believe). Late on Friday afternoon last week (15th) I received the e-mail I had been waiting for, placing my order on that same evening and received my order in full this afternoon in the office. Not bad, considering it is the final week before Christmas. What to burn first? Well there is so many possibilities. Firstly that all important update to the Christmas album, and then let us not forget archiving all my mp3s albums onto DVD, then all my video clips and music videos. The list of "My Stuff" is endless, as you can imagine. At least I have somewhere organised to place all theses discs now, if they end up in the car or in my room.

Telephone Meltdown

In my two years on the help desk, the phones have never been as busy as they were this afternoon. Crazy is not the word. The true measure of when we hit a peak period, is the fact that other members of staff (within the office) have to start taking down messages for us. Fifteen voice mails is the most I have ever had to go back and listen to. A staggering figure when you consider on an good night we get two or three messages maximum. Why was it so busy? I do not really know. The end of month has always meant an influx of additional calls. You could perhaps get away with sloppy admin for three weeks but at the last day of the month, you figures had to be perfect. Sometimes I am glad my job on the help desk is relative free of some the laborious red tape that is a necessity out in the field.

Confession time. I like it when it is busy, perhaps even more so the extreme of today. Why? I love the buzz? I love the idea that we are in demand. I love the notion that we have the answers. Correction, people think we have the answers to all their problems. When the reality is, we can only guide them in the right direction. When the phones are constantly busy, your focus has to be precise and your ability to think on the spot (rather than on your feet) highly attuned. You never know what the next phone call or voice mail you pick up will throw at you. The couple of hours cruise by and soon enough it is 6pm, time to go home and forget about it all. (Well at least until 9.30am, the next day).

I am sure there are people out there who will read this post and just laugh. "Busy? Stressed out? You do not know you have been born, son!" some of the responses back would be. I agree, relatively speaking, I work on a small help desk, servicing perhaps a maximum of 900 individuals. However that is not the issue at stake, as I do not dispute the statistics. There are help desks that fill room after room in high raised office blocks, in thousands of cities across the globe. The mean, lean and ever so keen corporate machine, with all the benefits that come with an infinite IT budget and all the bureaucracy that keeps every little soldier in check. Having seen the best (and worst) of both worlds, which do I prefer? Perhaps that deserves a well thought out answer and an entry all to itself. I have gone off on a tangent, as I usually do and should really get back to the programme.

I am sure my manager's mantra would be something along the lines of "Busy is good!". We on the help desk, would all of course disagree but he does have a point. The working day does fly by when your having fun on the telephone line. Then again, how often do you see him answering the phone? Not since the good old days of late Spring last year, when there was just me on the telephone from 4.30pm until the close of play. A great way of turning this company on it's head would be to consider a major change of roles at all levels and as one of the other managers mentioned months ago, everyone be re-interviewed for their job. That is, make a case on why their position should remain open. While neither option is ever going to become a reality, they are interesting thoughts, when you consider how people would cope with a complete change of scenery. Some would take to it like a fish to water, the rest would just drown like Miss Spears in that bathtub.

OOH

The subject, for the uninitiated is the abbreviation for Out Of Hours. A phrase that goes hand in hand with any support position. In all of my previous employment, I have worked into the night or over weekends (in some cases both) to get the job done. Yet again, last week I found myself in the same predicament. All three of us on the help desk decided to stay late and get some work done. We had two major roll outs to complete and knew that the help desk call queue would suffer if we did not put in the extra hours. It was a productive evening, although the only highlight the Perfect Pizza on the expense account. Make that five pizzas on the expense account. Working outside of normal office hours does have many benefits. We could relax, switch on WMP and blast a variety of tunes, ranging from Lilly Allen to rock legends Queen. I use 'blast' in the very small sense of the word, the small speaker built into the Dell Optiplex SX280 is hardly designed for late night parties. Perhaps we need to invest in a Boynq Cubite USB Speaker Hub. In black of course!

If I am honest, my bread and butter work, answering the phone has really been low par in recent weeks. Not just because of all the project work that has been heading in our direction but the other distractions. Just other pressing demands that are made upon me to deliver goods ranging from reports, extracts and a laptop for testing. If I am honest work has been bit of a blur recently and at times I have felt I have just been going through the motions, doing at times the bare minimum and getting out the door promptly at 6pm. Suppose my job has become a job, rather than the career of a professional. Well then again, it never really was the most glamorous occupation in the world.

There is a quick and easy (but not cheap) way to win friends and influence people. There is no need to attend a Dale Carnegie lecture or buy his famous book. My advice is simple and only two letters in length. K.K. The amazing doughnuts from the one and only Krispy Kreme. In what has now become an annually tradition, I bought it several boxes for my birthday on Thursday last week, at the astonishment of my work colleagues. Perhaps the biggest surprise was I surpassed my 24th birthday by buying twice as many doughnuts this year, 144 to be exact. By the time I got into the office in the morning, it was fast approaching 10am and I was half an hour late. Then came the logistical nightmare of taking all these boxes into the offices and then distributing them. I was surprised by one of my colleagues, as she had promised me that she would would put the date in her diary last year. Obviously she had forgotten but she was not the only one.

Some casual observers would say I had made myself the most popular person in the office. I would beg to differ. I could easily say I always have been the most popular person in my office, it was just that nobody knew it until today.

The Bad Samaritan

You have to be sympathetic. It comes with the territory, the job, the whole notion of being the voice on the end of a helpline. However there is a clearly marked boundary, which many of our customers have been ignoring. We are a technical helpdesk and we try and resolve problems with our software. No where in my job description does it state that I must offer a shoulder to cry on for the distressed individual whom has just had to say goodbye to a life long family pet. I appreciate it can be frustrating trying to get the software to work, particularly when you are new and completely unfamiliar with the system. Yet in the grand scheme of things, if I was in their shoes, the laptop would be out of the window. There are times when there are more important things than monthly territory plans and closing your weeks down. (I suppose that does not sound very heartening coming from me!)

I suppose what I am trying to say that at times my job borders into the relms of the Samaritians, rather than the clearly defined pitfuls of a bespoke CRM solution, VPNs, and SQL replication time outs. I found it difficult to be a sensitive human being at the best of times, so find myself completely lost for words, hanging on and trying to bring the subject back to their laptop computer. I mean what can you say? Apart from apologise and pass on your condolensces, you are stuck between a rock and a hard place. The person on the end of the phone still wants to have their issue resolved with the wave of the non existant magic wand.

Is this some joke? Some sick joke? Let us see how we can wind up the boys on the desk today? At times it feels it is a setup and you wait for someone to jump out of the cupboard and shout, "Got YOU!". Unfortunately that never happens. These calls are for real. The people on the end of the line exist. I suppose I have covered various aspects of my job but not put the spotlight on the most important part of the jigsaw. The people. The people I speak to everyday. There are some characters out there, just like in any walk of life. Perhaps food for thought for another less emotionally charged posting. So I leave you with the fine words of wisdom from one of our regulars.

Looks like your ‘Tweaking’ upset the Applecart?

Remote Laptop Idiot

I love living dangerously. The clues are in my previous entry from just over a year ago. However 'nearly' running out of fuel is hardly work related, so this entry should hit the nail on the head. I left the office with a laptop, a Dell Lattitude D600. This gave me VPN access into the office, although our IT temp keeps referring to it in full, Virtual Private Network connection, which is a mouthful during the course of several support calls every day. I left my desktop machine on (completely out of character, as I ensure my machine is shut down every evening a few minutes after 6pm like clockwork.) As an office based employee, I have no need for remote access. It is impossible for me to work from home, although if many big companies can move their entire call centre operation to the sub-continent why cannot a helpdesk person work from home? It is a strange dilemma, but I feel on a matter of principle the situation should be thus. In the office I work, when I am at home, it is my time. I completely switch off. Well this evening I digressed from this point purely to get some urgent work done.

Here I was, in my living room, watching Monday's edition of Hollyoaks on E4, while connected to my wireless network, logged into my desktop and effectively sitting at my desk in the office. I smiled at the beauty of everything working, but knew I was apprehensive about the final part of the process. My colleague had been stuck in an all day meeting, so had only been able to briefly give me basic instructions over MSN during his lunchbreak. I understood what needed to be done and had access to the scripts I would need to run. It was now or never.

While I was at University I considered SQL to be predominately a command line based programming language. What did you expect? I had to a SQL trainer on Oracle. You can imagine I was rather surprised by the number of tools and utilities provided by that little known company from Redmond, Washington. While I do not doubt that all developers require fully armed GUI, it was a shock that so little time spent was spent swimming in lines of code. The heart of the system is Enterprise Manager, a console I was introduced to within the first month of joining the company and instantly took me into the realm of 2nd Line Support. Although it is very difficult to manage your SQL Server 2000 instances blind, it is possible to go without. This is the program which could be considered a double edged sword in our fight against the Evil Sresu. With the knowledge and training it can help you fix a numerous amount of problems with a SQL instance, from replication to suspect databases. In the wrong hands, well it could be a disaster.

Here I was, on a Friday evening, with an objective to save myself a bucketload of grief on Monday morning. Or I could cause myself a whole lot of grief by carrying out such an operation outside of office hours. I took the plunge. This was a risk worth taking, for it was only on a QC instance. What is the worse that could happen? Having spent over an hour and a half downloading a backup database from a client server, I had the simple task of disabling replication, which is in my opinion far too simple. Tools --> Disable Publishing. The next job was easy, a simple restore over the existing database. Something I have become accustomed to, since learning the trade some eight months ago. This was the easy part, believe me. For a moment I thought should I stop or should I go ahead and restore replication onto the instance. What was the worse damage I could do? I had the scripts and knew what to expect? Afterall I had seen several developers restore replication in the office. This was different. I was on my own, surfing dangerous waters to coin a phrase.

Well it kind of worked. Replication restored but I could not run any of the snapshot agents. Why? Well I soon discovered the answer, I had not changed one line in the script for a server. So it was trying to write files to a network share that did not exist. Oh no. Although I was concerned about the live server instances, a quick check proved they were all running with no problems. I could resolve this, with some work. Yet I decided against it. The demo database could wait until Monday morning, I was quite positive that one of the developers would easily be able to fix the problem within a few minutes, rather than me wasting hours trying to find fix the issue on a trial and error period. Knowing all too well that an error would mean going right back to the beginning, dropping replication and starting again. I could have done that, but just felt in my hands, I could potentially do more harm than good. The lyrics to a Green Day song come to mind.

Jobs minus Holidays

I would have an entry in the Carlsberg Book of Pointless World Records (if such a publication existed) considering. I have 23 holidays remaining with no thought to use them before the deadline of 12pm Friday 22nd December, only 91 days and counting. In fact, I have taken 2.5 days holiday since I started with the company in December 2004. Quite a formidable, untouchable record, don't you agree? I recall mentioning this to a friend on MSN and her reply being that my employers must love me. Quite the contrary I am afraid. They think I am insane.

Across the water, my stance would be the same as the majority. (Although perhaps most would at least triple the amount I've taken) Having had the opportunity to speak to Americans living and working in the United Kingdom, you get to understand the reality behind the many myths. Firstly so few actually hold passports because there is so much to do in their own country. Secondly they only receive two weeks holiday each year and those that actually take this time off spend it with their family. Then if we consider my friend Nav, working in India six days a week with no holiday whatsoever. I feel I can deem myself extremely lucky.

Talking of Nav, I was the inspiration for one of his first blog entries on his now neglected blog. The thought of the entry came back when I discovered a link on the Guardian Newsblog, hidden in the corner sidebar in tiny point 8 text. 100 Jobs does exactly what it says on the tin, I mean webpage. The blogger, disillussion with his lack of success applying for jobs he was suited for has started a comic tale of applying for 100 jobs where is the most inappropriate candidate. There are some absolute jems in there. By the way, did I mention my second favourite Madonna song of all time? Of course, it could only be Holiday.

Cardboard Personality

A personality must be a prerequisite for a job on a helpdesk, when ninety percent of your role is customer facing (on the telephone, I give you but nevertheless customer facing). Apparently I slipped through the cracks of our stringent interview process, which included an online SHL assessment. In the past people would say that I lacked an overt personality. I was shy, quiet or reserved. However, no one would be bold enough to say I had a cardboard personality. Now, I will be the first to admit that I could never light up a room with a smile and warm glow. I just never have been the life and soul, but I like it that way. People skills have never been high on my list of talents, yet let me for the record say they are something I am constantly trying to improve. In my previous job I was extremely nervous, but you could understand as it was literally customer facing, in an office of some five hundred with no telephone to hide behind.

My colleague deserves an entry all to himself, but I do not think I have the time (or the energy) to catalogue his comical moments. Most would be highly unsuitable for a family friendly blog, such as this. Let me put him into the broad category of office joker and leave it at that. He is the first person to actually say I lack a personality. While I will agree that my lack of vocal greetings at the beginning and end of the day, has left much to be desired but I have been making a effort. To be fair to him, his generation and my generation are a world apart, but while that does not excuse my rudeness it does shed a little light the differences between our world. Perhaps the best way to describe him, is one of those people that will say out loud what the majority of people are thinking. While this is not generally a bad thing, too much honesty can get you into trouble.

I take the comments on board, positive criticism is always worth hearing, although perhaps never this direct and harsh. Sure I have a monotonous tone on the telephone and can sound extremely despondent, although genuinely do not mean to do so. I come across as I hate being on the end of the helpline but I actually enjoy my job. Compared to some of the jobs I have had, this is the least stressful and the most rewarding.

Unfortunately a personality transplant is not currently available on the NHS and would bankrupt my company BUPA scheme. What are the alternatives? To try harder? To talk more? The strange thing is none of my work colleagues will know the Andrew that started college some eight years ago. If I have a cardboard personality now, I must have had the personality of a goldfish back then. There has been a major improvement, believe me. My fear would be on our company website, my manager writing some interesting biographies for the world to read. Perish such a thought!

Moonlighting

Working in IT gives you the opportunity to moonlight. Thankfully moonlighting does not have the same negative connotations as it would in other professions. I have undertaken and successfully completed several jobs on the side (so to speak) although perhaps only a handful in recent times. There is always be a need for a so called 'IT Expert' with more and more people having sophisticated equipment at home. Just look at my friend's younger brother who is on a completely different planet. At age 10 I did not know what a computer was. He has a 19" TFT screen, 4mb always on broadband wireless keyboard and mouse, all under his bunk bed. While my friend is struggling with wired keyboard and mouse. Kids do not know they are born these days. Though I digress from my main point. My favourite task is being the Doctor, bringing computers back to life. I have done this only once before for a colleague at work, whereby I was well (if rather stereotypically) back in March 18th to be exact. This time around it was more than a simple Windows XP reinstall and reconfiguration. There was actually a job to be done, a mission if you will. I am not to sidestep a true challenge.

The patient, an old 450 PII Gateway PC about six years ago. The kiddies computer for a colleague who was subsequently leaving which meant it was against the clock, to a certain extent. The diagnosis? Originally my colleague and I believed the problem to be the powersupply, but rather then ordering a replacement powersupply, which was expensive and unnecessary, we advised the following. To purchase a new case and we could transfer the motherboard and components across to the new case. This would be a simple transplant process, nothing too fiddly. I was so convinced this would be an easy job I carried it out at work. Or rather started. The timing perhaps on my part was atrocious . My colleague left yesterday afternoon, but in a piece of comic genius the goods arrived on the same day from eBuyer (even though there were not expected until Friday). This coincided with my first Champions League fixture at Emirates, so I had to leave the office early. Nevertheless, I left the office determined to get the computer working no matter what it took.

Today I transferred the components but did not power up the machine. There were many reasons for this. Firstly was only a two man band manning the helpdesk for the day (and the entire week, as the record will show) so jumping to answer the phone did not help with my progress. Around 4pm I made the executive decision to take the machine home and work on it in the evening. I expected to get the machine up and running within an hour. How wrong was I to be!

I spent over two hours trying to get the machine working but removing components, I realised what the problem was. One of the memory slots was burnt out. Perhaps this had been the course of the problem in the first place. Back to the drawing board. Returning to my room and computer, I was despondent, annoyed with myself and looking for a way out, a solution. I jumped on eBay for an old motherboard but it was just not worth hunting down. It would take a few days to get here and then at least a weekend to get it all working, plus it would mean calling my ex-colleague and asking for more money. That was the last resort and I had one final ditch option, the last chance saloon if you will. I text my friend Dave, who had recently bought a brand new Dell desktop. Did he still have his old machine? He replied to my text instantly (which was rare for him) and explained he did! Result. I would pick the machine up on the way home on Friday, work on the machine over the weekend and take it from there. Another minor miracle worked, or so I hope.

Contradiction In Terms

Last year, we started our own work Super League via the Telegraph website. This was my first foray into the world of fantasy football competitions and it showed. It was predominately for our division, although we did have a few takers from the sister company come on board. There is an option to create a computer generated 'auto-select' team which is what I chose. The reasons behind this fatal mistake was lack of time to the deadline and laziness in reviewing changes to ensure they meet the budgetry limit of £50 million sterling. My team on paper looked quite good but they did not total me enough points over the course of the season, even when I made drastic changes towards the 'business end' of the campaign. By April, I was so far from the rest of the pack I gave up and even forgot my pin code and never accessed the website during office hours. My motivation had completely gone. My final standing? Second from bottom, above someone who was purely taking part to be part of game and not taking a slight interest in the leaderboard. Over 500 points away from the eventual winner. So even with another league (on my own), it would have taken be a miracle to catch up.

All across this, my professional site you will find a phrase, my mantra if you will. Just a shame it is a complete contradiction to my performance in this fun but nevertheless highly charged duel with my colleagues. The nail in the coffin was that two boys whose total age just about reaches mine beat me (and it has to be added many other colleagues) further up the league. This year around, word has got around the office and we have 21 players. Bring it on.

This time around I opted to pick my own team with a good mixture of Chelsea and Liverpool players. Although I have opted not to disclosure my team publicly as it will give my adversaries an unfair advantage. I prefer to play my cards close to my chest, this year. The big kick off is tomorrow although I was tempted to tink further before the deadline of Saturday morning I have decided against it. Stick with your first answer was a common phrase at school, it still applies today. The managing director's team is called 'Bring Me The Winner'. Never has a name been so true. Just a shame I have gone from 2005/6 season, "Andy's Dream Team" to the masterful "Tegala's Terriers", which was actually recommended by a colleague as "Tegala's Tigers" but in the time I drove home and added my team online later that evening the wavelength we had been on, was slightly lost. As if there was not already a blog for everything, there is even a blog for the Telegraph Fantasy Football, imagintive title lads but keep up the great work.

Artificial Conversations

Do I really speak to people? In the course of my job on the helpdesk, talking to numerous clients every single day, do I really actually take part in a civil conversation? Deep down the question I am truly asking is, are my conversations 'real'? Real in the sense of a sincere two way communication between two persons, rather than going through a predetermined agenda in a robotic like fashion. While it is perhaps harsh to single out particular people from particular organisations that you enjoy talking to. It is quite easy, looking back to distinguish between the proactive and passive discussions that take place. At this point I should perhaps interject with some amazing fact on the number of seconds I have spent answering the phone but there is no need. The reality is I spend a great deal of time on the telephone. Strange when you consider just a few years ago, you would be lucky for me to speak on the phone for more than five minutes. Amazing when you consider the transformation of the phone from foe to friend. Particularly now when at times I will rather pick up the phone to speak to a friend, rather than send them an e-mail.

How has work been recently? After the highs of Madrid, I landed back to England with a bump. While it has not been very busy in terms of call volume, the number of calls on the log has shot up, with us at times hitting the three figure mark. At times my motivation has dipped way below the normal expected level. I would be the first to admit morale has been suffering. Although somehow the team get through it. Well I say 'somehow' but I can actually give you exactly the reasons why. On one side we have the twenty-two year old in body, 1st line guy, trapped in his own little bubble from when he was around seventeen. Listening to Chris Moyles (either on the BBC podcast or radio player. Then we have my dearest colleague and beloved team member on 2nd line, who only has the need for some wakeup juice and hearty meal from the local friendly sandwich shop. What about Andrew? Just as Superman harnesses his energy from the sun, Andrew is powered by a 250ml, 30g sugar carton of the purple stuff.

The main problem with work at the moment is the lack of sense of achievement. You would spend a day on the phone, building laptops and fixing various problems, but the fact that the call queue is so slow to reduce in number, you feel at times you are facing an uphill struggle. Driving home and reflecting on my day, I do not feel that buzz of having got things done. Sometimes I wish I was a clog in a monster machine, just processing paperwork, rather than working on a helpdesk. Every morning I would see my work physically work from the in tray to the out tray. Then again, what would be the fun in that? For the first time in eighty four weeks I am actually considering my next step. The stepping stones between starting on the service desk and finding the next big break, will be a big challenge. I must be sure not to underestimate what the future holds but the clock is well and truly ticking.

I Will Dispense This Advice Now

It is much harder to post an entry about work and technology. I thought, over time it would become easier as I would be able to reflect on the daily musings on the helpdesk and life generally in the field of computers, mp3s and gadgets. However I find myself struggling to find topics to cover and then at times feel forced to put something up, just to keep my sister site looking current and fresh. So today I decided to opt for a safe point of discussion. Advice.

In my twenty odd years I have already been offered a bucket load of advice from a number of people. Some related to personal issues, some related to work, sport, university, the future, even finance. Of all the discussions, perhaps there is only one phrase, on anecdote that remains with me so vividly to this day. Rather than repeat the English, the equivalent in Latin is 'Non Illegitimi Carborundum'. I will let Google do the rest, although a special clue is that it is also the title of a song by Kris Kristofferson whom you might remember from a recent vampire trilogy.

Perhaps the person you would least likely take advise from, is David Brent, star of BBC documentary The Office which focused on the employees of Wernham Hogg. Along with Stephen Merchant, he did some in-house videos for Microsoft, which have found themselves onto Google Video. They are absolutely hilarious, particularly the second clip when he offers advice on getting a new job and what methods you should use. I was a massive fan of the comedy series on BBC2 and have all episodes (including the Christmas Special) on DVD. It was just genius and as I had started working in an office for the first time, as the second series aired, it was truly refreshing to watch.

Respect goes hand in hand with advice. You only take advice from those that you respect. Yet in this modern, connected world, we can get advice from a number of sources and even personalised advice on message boards and forums related to our specific career or industry. It appears that anyone and everyone is willing to offer you their twenty pence. Just a case of if you are willing to be patient and take it all on board. I am just waiting for the advice that will finally motivate me to act.

Boom Boom Belgium

Don't let the title, fool you, I was in Madrid with work on Wednesday and Thursday last week. A fantastic experience, when you consider I just answer the phones on a helpdesk, day to day. Someone must be doing well, I hear you cry. Let me firstly make it clear I was not first choice for this trip and rightly so. There were far more important people who could not make it, so I was asked, as a 'favour' to attend this client conference. While we saw nothing of the city and actual social time was quite limited, it was still a quality time away from the office. There was also perhaps an opportunity to get to know colleagues whom I only really speak to when dealing with the ongoing "open calls" on the service desk.

Why, was I sent some 800 miles to the capital of Spain? Why couldn't I have gone closer to home? It was with a team to specifically demonstrate some software. The software itself has been around since the conception of the company I work for, but until a few weeks ago, I only knew it by name. Simulation software is a unique area of computing. Just look at the results you get from Google. There is perhaps no field where you cannot use software to mimick real life. Perhaps most useful in a training environment. While I know little of how the simulation actual works, it was more the functionality and how to questions that I was in attendance for. Up close and personal technical support if you will. Although I had to be careful to only assist and not step over the line of advice. The language barrier was less of an issue, as most of the delegates had a good handle of English. The only problems occurred when we had to explain UK specific aspects of the model, but even so, the application to a certain extent is the same, even if the information infront of you is slightly different.

The group were divided into teams of three or four, representing their country, giving the event an international, World Cup flavour. (The locals were fuming at losing to neighbours France the previous evening.) There were many points that I could mention in this post, but perhaps the most memorable was the three man team from Belgium. They were so keen to begin anaylsing their results for the next round and left their machine with us, while they went to get some refreshments. On their return into the room, they went up to my colleague, pointing at the laptop, "Belgium Boom Boom?" He replied in his best English schoolboy accent, "Yes gentlemen, we have ended your third cycle, collated the results, loaded them onto the master machine and switched you over to cycle four." I wanted to burst out laughing, but the faces of our European friends perhaps summed up the difference between us on those living on the continent. Some things are just lost in translation. One thing the Spanish have got right, is the afternoon siesta. Something tells me, I would have great difficulty convincing my manager to add a sleep period to the team schedule. Though, if I get another opportunity to jump on a plane around Europe and beyond, I won't be turning it down. Just need to make sure I always have a valid passport ready.

Operation Telly

Today (as if you didn't know already) was the day of England's second group B game in the World Cup, over in Germany. I could not get the time off and the option to perhaps swap shifts with a colleague never really occurred to me. To my surprise most of the football fans on my floor had opted to work late into the afternoon for various reasons. So in the morning, our Financial Controller asked how we would get to watch the game. Of the variety of plans hatched, the acting IT Team Leader, perhaps had the best. He was going to bring in his television from home. Great. However, when he arrived at 9.30am, with a small bag, we realised this would not be ideal viewing for a football match. Then our PA explained she could get an aerial from home and we could hook it up to a plasma screen in the conference room downstairs, only to discover there was no tuner device. Next plan? My colleague on the helpdesk explained he had a USB TV adapter and antenna at home we could use. He went home at lunchtime to get it. Hauppauge produce some fantastic kit, but their software is what lets them down, often not being as initiative as the hardware. Grabbing a spare support laptop from the cupboard, I booted it up, only to discover it was our test Vista machine, so had to grab an another laptop from somewhere. In doing so I logged onto the web, downloaded and installed the drivers. Plug and play, worked. Well kind of. Windows detected the device and installed the drivers. I then installed the viewing software, WinTV2000, just as I have at home. However, no image was being displayed. Actually no signal whatsoever. Adjusting the aerial did little to help, not a single channel was picked up. The Finance guy, kept asking me for updates and I kept responding with bad news. Then the IT guy walked through the door exclaiming, 'Plan B!' In his hand he had a 14" television video combi. We tried to use this but without the remote control, it was fairly useless, no functionality to tune in the channels. One of the developers hunted down a forum, where someone else had already asked the question. Can I tune in this television without the remote? There was no response. It was well and truly back to the drawing board.

Our accountant is perhaps the most outspoken person, no correction character I have ever met. He brings our office alive, with his candid moments often just by saying the most outrageous one line. He was frustrated now. Frustrated by the fact he could be missing a crucial game and there was no where to go, as his house was out of bounds until at least 7pm. He called one of the big boys in off the bench. His job title is 'Technical Architect' but it was Development Team Leader a few months back. He detests football, but was willing to help get the TV tuner working. Positioning the aerial outside of the window, another search to hunt down a signal failed. He gave up. We were heading for injury time and there were no more substitutes left. Or were there?

My colleague realised that he had a old PCI WinTV card and magically produced it, not from a black hat but a plastic supermarket bag. Right, we needed a PC. Off went my manager downstairs and within a few minutes bought back an ancient Compaq machine, which had been used by the development team a few years ago (before they were all issued with laptops) Ripping open the case, I dropped in the card and then dumped the machine on a spare desk, out of the way. Within minutes there was a scramble as a member of the development team, firstly downloaded the drivers onto a USB key and rushed his new 17" flat screen onto the desk with the computer. There were cheers of encouragement all around. Powering everything up, we logged in (eventually) installed the drivers and software. I slowly realised I had spent far too much time on this and returned to my desk to do some work, while the developer fiddled. I was merely a spare part now and you know the saying about too many cooks spoiling the broth. Meanwhile our IT guy and got another television from somewhere and began trying to tune it in. We were down to Plan D. He was able to tune in BBC2 and Channel 4 (which was showing Countdown) but no ITV1. Back to the drawing board again? Meanwhile, a member of management had found a site, which screened the games live for a mere sum of £3.85 and after careful consideration paid for his account. The final two options available were going to watch the game in the car of a colleague. Unfortunately one had left early and the other didn't have his BMW. While we had been trying to get the television up and running our developer had got the PC working and just needed to move the antenna to get a better reception. With perfect timing he tuned into ITV1, as the opening sequence was being shown. Shutting down and logging off we moved our kit over to the meeting room and hooked everything up to the projector. Not bad quality reception being displayed on a 48" screen. There was only one last thing to do, so we could enjoy the game. Release the blinds so from my seat I could look into the room and directly at the screen. Perfect.

It took us over three hours to get ourselves sorted. As my manager commented at the end of our successful mission, it would have been easier going down to Argos ad buying a television. How strange is it, that in 2006, working for a technology solutions based company it took us this long to come together with a master plan to watch a World Cup game. I am sure some other IT departments out there were far more inventive. Or alternatively you just pulled a sickie, but what would have been the fun in that?