By my own high standards I have been coasting this week. While the level of phone calls has been low, this is no reason to take such a laid back attitude to work. Even on Friday, I tried to sum up the courage to make the extra effort to close calls. Then again, with the weekend around the corner, the general mood in the office was lacklustre. The pressure and intensity from previous months has disappeared and my job has become far more comfortable. Yet at times I still find aspects frustrating and there is always plenty to keep me busy. Though, with a determined and focused mind, I battle through. What I really need to do, after a below average week in the office, is dust myself down and come back with a response to make a difference. Even if only to prove to myself that I am better than this. This is the moment to step up to the plate and be counted.
This week for the first time since I left University, I have been thinking seriously about my future. What I want to do and where I want to go. As noted right at the beginning, this is merely a stepping stone onto bigger and better things. Although for the most part, those "things" have remained undefined and blurred. I tend to look at other people who have "made it" with envious eyes and hope to follow in their footsteps. The management IT position within a prestigious organisation, brand new blue 325i and travel abroad (all expenses paid) is the dream. Though for people whom I know, this is a reality. For as long as I can remember, I have no true direction in which I want to go. While this laid back view on the future, may have washed for many years in the past, here and now, in the big scary world, I need to start taking tough decisions head on and making some difficult choices. Perhaps in January the penny will drop. I am not getting any younger, even if I always think I have time firmly on my side.
While one great opportunity may have disappeared, my Dad is quick to remind me that it is 'their loss' not mine. I did my best, it was 'they' that made the mistake to not see it. The next big window of opportunity is just around the corner and no matter where it takes me and how I get there, every step of the way, I put down my thoughts, feelings and emotions on this blog.